regular

i was getting lunch the other day and i walked in but the guy i was meeting wasn't there yet so i waited. finally when i ordered i made my order and the girl had a smirk on her face but i didn't think anything of it. then right after i ordered she came and gave me my sandwich. i mean like right then. during the time it usually takes her to get my drink she had my sandwich. turns out right when she saw me come in she made my sandwich and so it was ready by the time i ordered. haha! that was cool. i felt special.

[that was me typing really fast as the words came, usually i think a lot more about the words and structure i use. i was going to revise it when i had time, but i figured it'd be fun to post it as is. you may be thinking 'doesn't seem much different', but that's how i am.]

echad

always there when i need
why do i not more often come?
always ready to listen
wherever i may be

what is my desire?
can any other reach?
no one else fulfills
empty are the claims
that fill my mind and heart
regarding these other things

so much do i seek after
none of which has value
they crumble as sand figures
as i reach for them and grip
and through my fingers
onto the floor
these sand idols fall

always i need to focus
on the Rock the LORD of all

like a mirage in the distance
always just out of reach
and when i come i find
not more than empty road
yet another up ahead
and off again i pursue

One will satisfy
One will fulfill
One is Light Itself
and not simply illusion

One is enough
One will suffice
containing beauty in Itself
and not in vain or vice

One fills all desire
One calls me to Himself
"come to Me all who are weary
and heavy-laden, and
I will give you rest."

One is the bread that fills
One is the water that satiates
One has love which never fails
One
and only One

concern yourself firstly with Him
and all else will come
...in His time

beauty

what is beauty?

"Love can forbear, and Love can forgive...but Love can never be reconciled to an unlovely object. ...He can never therefore be reconciled to your sin, because sin itself is incapable of being altered; but He may be reconciled to your person, because that may be restored." TRAHERNE, Centuries of Meditation, II, 30

(No, I didn't read that piece of writing, C. S. Lewis quotes it in "Problem of Pain".)

God sees us as beautiful. I have personally been reconciled to God. My person has been restored. God must see my person as lovely and as beautiful, otherwise He would not yet be reconciled to me. Yet, He died for us even when we were still unlovely. Even when we were still not beautiful. What did God see in us? He saw Himself...He saw Himself being glorified. He loved us even when we were unlovely for His glory. (If you think that's selfish of God, read John Piper's "Let the Nations Be Glad". Well, you should read that book even if you don't think that's selfish of God, it's a great book.)

That is beauty as God sees us. What about as we see God? Do you see God as beautiful? He is working on me and I am realizing more and more how beautiful He really is. I pray daily that He would be the love of my life. That He would be more beautiful, desirable, satisfying, fulfilling than any woman ever will be. Why than any woman? Because that is my downfall (well, one of them). I have this (incorrect) notion that when I find my "dot" she will be perfect and completely beautiful in every way and I will find no defect in her. I have believed that she will be that which is beautiful, desirable, satisfying and fulfilling. But I know this is untrue. No human can ever satisfy: they are sinful and can only be at one place at one time, so they cannot always be there for you, and even when they are they will not always live up to loving you perfectly. BUT GOD. I love those words. But God can. He can satisfy me. And He is teaching me this reality. It has always been a reality that God is more beautiful, desirable, satisfying, and fulfilling than any woman ever will be; I simply have to realize it. And He is helping me to realize that truth. He is becoming the love of my life and I am seeing more and more that He is beautiful.

It's a great place to be.

when everything falls

I was questioned about lyrics of new bands i've been listening to. not negatively questioned, just questioned. and when i showed the questioner lyrics, they were quite satisfied. i'd like to share some more amazing lyrics with you:

I can see it comin' on the horizon
Sky turning black, it's raining down
Can't move my feet, cannot be shaken
Not movin', I'm standing strong
And I'm standing so firm
I can't be moved

I will stand
I will stand
When everything falls away
I will fight this war forever or until I die
I will stand
I will stand
When everyone falls away
I will fight this war forever or until I die

All these things coming against me
I have the choice to fall or fight
I cannot be moved
You give me the strength
Help me fight, help me fight
I'm standing so firm
I can't be moved
I'm standing so firm
I can't be moved

And I'm standing so firm
On this ground You've sat before me
I'll fight for this with my last breath
I'll fight for this till I die
I can't be moved

~haste the day - 'when everything falls'

these lyrics have been with me recently in situations where i need to overcome sin which i've been working on for a long time. a while ago i was distressed because i have tried so many ways to overcome, but i'm not perfect yet (yay for Phil. 3:21). but when these words come into my head i am encouraged to 'fight this war forever or until i die.'

SPAM?!

spam is appearing everywhere! i JUST posted the 'sustained' blog and immediately after i posted it i had 2 comments. i didn't understand how i could have gotten 2 comments THAT fast. so i looked at them and they were completely irrelevant and had links to pages that i didn't go to 'cause i knew they would be dumb ads. SPAM is annoying. grrrrrr...
(i delorted them)

sustained

Here's the lyrics to an amazing song:

i'm satisfied by Your love so completely
how could i thirst for the praises of man?
there's nothing i need that You haven't provided
and no one can offer me peace like You can

Jesus Your love is enough
sufficient for me
all i have needed You've given for free
Your love is enough
don't need men's applause
i know what i'm worth i remember the cross

i'm sustained oh Lord
when Your light surrounds me the world goes away
i'm sustained oh Lord
my heart knows Your love like it flows through my veins
such peace and contentment i found in Your grace
i can't think why i've ever complained
You love me, what more can i want?
i'm sustained

~everybodyduck - sustained

without wax

I love words and finding out their etymology and meaning. I discovered a really exciting one today while studying for VL (oh yeah, I gotta write a blog about that...coming in a few days or whever i get to it :) ).

The verse for tonight was Phil. 1:9-10:

And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ,

The AWANA explanation said that the word 'sincere' meant pure, and genuine and that it meant 'to inspect by holding up to the light'. That is somewhat true, but it misses the COOL and true origin of the word. One website tried to explain the etymology as follows: "perhaps originally 'of one growth' (i.e. 'not hybrid, unmixed'), from sem-, sin- 'one' + root of crescere 'to grow'" (source). I say: BAH!

Check this out:

Good ol' Johnny Mac in his study bible says THIS:

In the ancient world, dishonest pottery dealers filled cracks in their inferior products with wax before glazing and painting them, making worthless pots difficult to distinguish from expensive ones. The only way to avoid being defrauded was to hold the pot to the sun, making the wax-filled cracks obvious. Dealers marked their fine pottery that could withstand 'sun testing' as sine cera—'without wax.'
MacArthur, J. J. (1997, c1997). The MacArthur Study Bible (electronic ed.) (Php 1:10). Nashville: Word Pub.

Cool, huh?! I know Spanish and it's close to Latin and so I know that 'sine' means 'without' and so I figured that 'cera' meant wax and it does! (see?) So 'sine cera' = without wax and becomes 'sincere' in English.

So now you have a better understanding of what the word 'sincere' means: without wax, without defect, without cracks, without inconsistencies that are deviously being covered over by someone who is trying to swindle you.

Let us strive to be without wax, sincere, free from defect--to live lives that God can hold up to the sunlight and see no guileful cracks.