a tainted pearl

i have a pearl. i've given it up twice already. it used to be more pure, now, i hope to give it up a third time, it won't be as special as it would have been if i would not have given it up before and had to take it back again.

but it makes me think about sexual purity. how much worse would it have been if i gave away my sexual purity? a pearl on the end of a gold necklace is precious especially when you understand my story and desire behind it. now it has been tainted since i've given it away twice to the wrong person(s) and have been given it back. but i can't imagine how terrible it would be if it was my purity that i gave up.